


Reflections

by cryptidbf, denounce



Series: People Like Us [8]
Category: L.A. Noire
Genre: Falling In Love, M/M, cole and stef caught feelings for each other but they Just Don't Know!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-19
Packaged: 2019-03-14 16:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13593696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidbf/pseuds/cryptidbf, https://archiveofourown.org/users/denounce/pseuds/denounce
Summary: Cole and Stefan fell hard.





	1. Cole

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody, we're suffering. Have some insight as to how the boys feel about each other and their own feelings.
> 
> -oniyen

Cole thought he was done with silly infatuations.

Yes, he’s told himself that for _years_ , since before he met Marie, even, but this is different. Not only is it against workplace rules and regulations, it’s practically suicide. Cole isn’t one to break the rules— he believes that they’re made for a reason, no matter how minor. He understands the dangers of becoming involved with a coworker, absolutely, but what he _doesn’t_ understand is—

...Good God, he doesn’t even understand what he doesn’t understand. Why _do_ people look down on people like them? Because they’re different? It doesn’t make sense, not in the slightest. Wars have been fought over differences— why haven’t people learned their goddamn lesson already?

Shaking his head, Cole pounds back some whiskey. It burns his throat, makes him feel sick, but– it’s something, at least. He distances himself from his thoughts, staring down at his watch.

The second hand is still.

He’s different. He doesn’t know how, but he’s different. Sure, he’s in just as much danger, but—  _he’s different._ There weren’t any hospitals or ambulances out there in the foxholes, just medics and corpses and—

Cole swallows down some more of his drink, almost throwing it back up. He rests his hand on his jaw, covering his mouth and squeezing his eyes shut.

The blood. He remembers the blood, most of all. Warm, yet cold at the same time. Numbing. The next thing he remembers is being pulled out of the hole by whomever and flinching in the sunlight, a headache beginning in the back of his skull and spreading to the space between his eyes.

_I can’t do this._

It’s the same thing he had thought in the beginning, with Hank, but even then he didn't dare say it. Things were more complicated back then— Cole was married, for one thing, and deep down he knew one of them was going to die. He heard the stories; the soldiers who couldn’t take losing their lovers, so they took their own lives in response.

Cole shudders, and he almost takes another drink. That could’ve been him. But— he had to be there for Marie and their children. And, perhaps, if destiny really _does_ exist, if people are meant to be together, if people are _made_ for each other, then… here he is now.

Here he is now, having horribly fallen for his partner-in-justice. He was roped in by the seemingly endless charm, the quick-witted quips, and the intense gaze. He fell hard, just as he did for Marie, just as he did for Hank, but somehow it’s more painful this time around. Maybe because he should’ve learned his lesson by now— to suppress his feelings, to keep himself from falling again.

Cole breathes out a bitter laugh. He fell for Stefan just like all the women in L.A. did. He doesn’t know if that’s funny or worrisome, but— he doesn’t push it.

Deep down, he wonders if he feels the same, but— no. Most likely not. Who would even consider him in the state that he’s in? Cole’s an absolute wreck and he knows it— he just puts on a facade and everybody’s none the wiser. Hell, he’s carrying around two tokens of failed relationships because he just— he just can’t let go of—

Cole stares down at his watch, his eyes stinging. The second hand stands still, broken. It’s been like that for two years now, ever since Sugar Loaf. The clock is frozen at two forty-five in the morning, unmoving, unwavering. It’s almost poetic, in a way— he had gotten this watch for Hank while they were stopped in a city. Cole supposes that its usefulness died with him.

He inhales and exhales deeply, pushing away what’s left of his whiskey so he isn’t tempted. He feels pathetic for resorting to… this. Drinking. He just can’t _take_ it anymore— the constant suffocating praise, the crushing self-doubt, the need to _hide_.

All he cares to think of right now is _him_. Him, him, him. Stefan, Stefan, Stefan. He laid his career on the line to get him to move up alongside him; he told the captain he was just a good case man. He didn’t leave any trace of his true feelings for his partner.

What a double-edged sword of a word. _Partner_. Cole finds himself smiling, his fingers drumming on the table as he lets his thoughts roam. Then— he snaps out of it, shakes his head, a frown tugging at his lips. He can’t do this again. God, he _can’t_. Someone’s going to get hurt in the end, and if it isn’t him, it’s going to be Stefan.

Cole puts his head in his hands, his fingers digging into his scalp. He doesn’t know what to _do_. He’s utterly directionless; he’s never experienced feelings so staggering as this. He feels… _lost_ , for the first time in his life. All he can hope for is for nothing to change.

He doesn’t know how truly impossible that is.


	2. Stefan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stefan's feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops
> 
> -cryptidbf

Stefan is in love with him.

For the past hour, he’s been pacing back and forth in his living room thinking it over. The realization had hit him like a ton of bricks out of nowhere— it made so much sense and at the same time, it didn’t. He’s not sure when, or why, or how it even happened, but no matter the case— he doesn’t know what to make of it. Cole isn’t the first man he’s ever been attracted to, no, far from it. That really isn’t the problem. What  _is_ the problem? Maybe it’s  _because_  it’s Cole. Star of the station. Golden boy. The very man who he has to work with and see everyday and know he’ll never be an option in his eyes. Yes, that’s probably it.

It could also be the fact that Cole still wears his wedding ring. Stefan isn't the most observant when it comes to insignificant details like that, but it hadn’t exactly slipped past him— in fact, it was hard not to notice when he was always fiddling with it like he wasn't sure if he wanted to take it off or not. Something about that leaves an ache in his chest that he doesn’t know how to handle. God, he can barely handle anything right now.  

He sinks down onto his couch and buries his face in his hands. He has to wonder if he still loves her— if someday, he’ll go back to her. Hell, they had children together— it wouldn’t be too out of left field for Cole to suddenly change his mind for the sake of his daughters. It’s too much. Far too much. The idea of Cole leaving him behind with all these burning _what if’s_  is heartbreaking and while he isn't exactly new to that concept, that doesn’t make it any less painful. He doubts anything could make it less painful.

Jesus, what’s he even going on about? He doesn’t even know if Cole feels the same and it didn’t help that he kept going back and forth.  _I can’t do this_ , he had said, that night they kissed in the car.  _I can’t do this,_ he had said, and then he’d turned around and argued to have him promoted alongside him. The speech he’d given on his behalf had left Stefan feeling both awestruck and confused. Could he use it as evidence that Cole returns his feelings? He’s not sure. They’re friends, or at least, he hopes they are. Friends typically say nice things about each other, but— Cole had done more than just say nice things. Surely, that meant he felt  _something_. Something, something,  _something_.

No, that’s being ridiculous.  _He’s_  being ridiculous. There’s no way in hell that Cole— beautiful, perfect, amazing  _Cole_ could ever return his feelings. He’s too good for him and it hurts to admit that to himself in more ways than one. Nothing he’d ever done proved that he deserved somebody like Cole. He pushes his hair out of his face, resting his hands on the top of his head for a second and squeezing his eyes shut. He wants to stop thinking about this. Desperately.

But he could only be so lucky as every thought he has comes back to _him_. Him, him,  _him_. Cole, Cole, Cole. God, how could one man leave him feeling so  _confused_? It’s almost laughable.  _Almost_. He racks his brain— goes over every single person he’s ever been with. No, none of them had made him feel like this. They’d mostly been meaningless flings— something to do when he was bored, or lonely, or both. He’d never been in a relationship that was meant to last— nor one that was based on more than just physical attraction, honestly. He has nothing to go off of here. Nothing to compare it to.

Maybe it’s too early to actually call this love. Maybe it’s just a crush. Maybe he’ll get over it. Maybe he’ll move on with his life, find a nice girl to settle down with, and never think of it again. Okay, now _that’s_  laughable. He can’t see himself doing that with anybody but Cole and that’s probably damnable proof this  _is_ love. The mere thought of it leaves a dreamy sort of smile on his face. Yes, he’s in love with Cole. He’s in love with every little thing about him— like how he rarely smiles, but when he does, it knocks the air out of Stefan’s lungs. Or the way he’d crack a deadpan joke when he’s least expecting it. And— Christ, he’s an  _incredible_ kisser. He’d proved that much that night in the car.

His smile drops as a new thought enters his head. He has to take into account that even if there is a chance Cole could ever return his feelings, they wouldn’t be able to act on them. Too many people would disapprove; they could lose their jobs and a whole lot more at that. He rubs at his face in frustration. There’s that uncomfortable ache in his chest— heartbreak, he guesses, but he doesn’t know.

Stefan really doesn’t know much at all right now, but he does know one thing: he hates this. More than anything.

God, he needs a drink.


End file.
